Chances are that if you clicked on this article after reading the title, it is because we all face failure in life and it is hard to deal with. The feeling when the teacher comes and takes your paper at the end of a test, the anxiety, the stress, the cold sweat, it’s all so familiar to most of us. After every exam, you find yourself or your friends saying “I just hope I don’t fail”. No matter how good the test was, this thought shows up and how. 


Why are we so obsessed with the idea of success? And who defines it? We like to believe that it is us and our personal satisfaction that defines it. But that is not true. Whatever we choose to do has been done by somebody else before us, and their success builds our standards. We want to reach the desired standard, already achieved by other people. So then, what happens when we don’t make it?


Failure happens. And nobody enjoys failing. Failure is highly subjective. Scoring an 80 on a test where you expected to score 95 may be a failure for you, but not for somebody who was expecting 80 in the first place in the same test. The fear of failure can make you freeze and stop you from even trying to be good at something. 


What causes fear of failure in students? Let’s have a look. 


Comparison: More often than not, students either end up comparing themselves to their peers, or their parents or teachers can unknowingly plant this seed in their young minds that can have a lasting impact. 

Pressure: This includes societal pressure, peer pressure, unrealistic expectations from parents as well as educators. Fear of disappointing people around you is real and scary. 
Fear of losing out – It often feels like failing at a certain thing, will make one lose out on multiple opportunities. It might even start a vicious cycle. 
The label – Being labeled as a failure is so common and can be extremely disturbing. The label once assigned, seems hard to change. 

How to deal with failure?
This is where it gets tricky because this is not a one size fits all situation. Something might work for you, but not for somebody else, but you won’t know unless you try. 

It’s all in the mind! 
Acknowledging that the fear and the idea of failure can be modified according to you and your perspective can give you the power to overcome it. No matter which stage of life we are in, we have short term goals and to reach those we perform certain tasks. Taking action inevitably leads to a consequence and we may not always succeed.  The idea is to try and get better at it each day.  Parents and teachers play a massive role as a child would want to fulfill your expectations. They seek approval. Choose your words wisely and small appreciation can go a long way.


Acceptance is the key
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”  - Albert Einstein 
All of us are different and are good at different things. It is not always possible to excel at everything, what is important is TRYING. We have individual differences and that is the beauty of it all. Let’s learn to accept our shortcomings as much as we embrace our strengths. 


Making Modifications
If you’re stuck at something and there is no progress, it is a good time to evaluate where you’re going wrong. A sum in Mathematics can be solved in multiple ways; similarly, you can reach success by following a different path or even modifying your current approach. Possibly another formula might give you an accurate answer! 


Focus on learning
At the end of the day what comes in handy is what we have learned and how much it has resonated with us. Learning is a lifelong process, it never stops. We learn in the most unexpected places. Identifying learning spots is so crucial and can change your perspective in most situations.


Create your own definitions
Last but not the least; define the idea of success and failure in your own words. Self-awareness is the key; analyze your strengths and drawbacks and set realistic goals for you. 
Leaving you with something I read recently, “The real test is not whether you avoid this failure because you won’t. It’s whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.” -Barack Obama